Monday, February 23, 2009

Overage Drinking

There was a guy at the grocery store today who was clearly intoxicated, and when our paths intersected in the bread isle, he looked me straight in the eyes, grabbed the end of my cart, shook it a little and screamed "BOO!" Uh....

Yeah. I just laughed manically and walked by quickly. That was the right thing to do, right?

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Captain McGumsbleed

I noticed today that my gums are SO SORE. Let me take this time to point out that one does not typically pay much attention to their gum comfort on a day to day basis. In fact, most of the day I could tell something was bothering me, and it took a few hours to realize that the pain was radiating from my mouth which I didn't even think to consider because my mouth is one of my favorite and most reliably pleasureable part of my face. Eating, talking, eating, kissing, drinking and talking and eating. All good things that come along with the mouth. Gum pain...not what I expected. Or at least not what I expected in the next 105 years or so until there was literally nothing else to complain about.

But there I was, old-lady gum pain and all, trying to figure out what was going on. At first I thought I must be pregnant- mainly because that is always my first and worst fear and it has so many damn symptoms that are not only exceedingly common (uh...hunger and food cravings- see: uses of mouth) but also can be explained in a million different ways (like...for example...oh...freaking gum pain).

So, the good news is that unless I'm carrying some kind of tasty pirate baby spawn made of carbs and high fructose corn syrup, I think I may know the reason for my problem. Last week boyfriend and I went to Wal Mart and I succumbed to their low low prices on everyday goods and indulged in a giant box of Captain Crunch with Crunchberries. Which I have been eating in healthy portions daily since. I got thrown off because the roof of my mouth is fine- no shredding or bleeding as is common with the Captian. But I just had another bowl (glutton for punishment?) and noticed that while the pulsating pain in my gums was not unbearable enough to leave even one crunchberry uncrunched, it is clearly irritating my mouth. Mystery solved. When do I get my own Discovery Health show?

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Love is in the Air

I'm sitting here staring at the Blogger page willing myself to write something witty and clever that my sister will say is funnier than Dooce. That method always works, right? The psych-yourself-out method? The writers-block method? The pressures-on method? Some of the greatest unread authors of our time relied heavily on all of these methods, with varying levels of success.

Valentines Day was lovely. I made bf a delightful hand made card highlighting his finer points and believe it or not the man actually cried. Tears. Tears of Crying. Well, tear. One tear that he casually wiped off from under his eye RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE. Not even a cough and turn or declaration of allergies or a panicked and unexplained splash of water in the face. And he wasn't even ashamed to admit it. Do I need to repeat that? He said it was the most thoughtful thing anyone has given him. Which, well, besides being kind of sad for him, was so wonderful and the best gift for me, ever. I couldn't ask for a better man. This is no joke.

We actually did Valentines Day yesterday, on the oft overlooked holiday of Feburary 13th. Don't bother re-checking your calender, that would be Friday the 13th. We are nothing if not romantic. After a ceremonious blood leading and chainsaw massacre to mark the occasion we tucked into a game of Fable II on the Xbox. The romance was palpable. Hearts all a flutter. Well, flutter is understated. I guess forcefully removed by what I believe is supposed to be magic electrocution would be more accurate. But I'm no expert. Learning something new is romantic, right? Then we fell asleep watching a TiVo'd episode of American Idol. Life of the party, we are. I'd rather be geeky and sleepy with no one else.

Overall, a great Valentines Day.