Julia Weeps

I've been steadily repeating to myself over the last week my new favorite guilt induced mantra, "I have not abandoned my blog...I have not abandoned my blog...I have not abandoned my blog.....Ooooohmmmm, Ooooooohmmmmm......I have not abandoned my blog...mother earth...I have not abandoned my blog....soy chips and carbon footprints...nuevo hippie jargon. And so forth and so on. I'm really a novice when it comes to mantra chanting.

I wasn't planning on posting today, but I guess my subconscious is tired of the self-induced and completely unnecessary guilt. You would think I was Catholic or something.

Anyway, religion notwithstanding, I just got back from a 3 mile "run" and am still feeling a bit on the jelly side. I'll have you know that the term "run" in my estimation means any activity greater than or equal to a forward motion performed on a treadmill. Take that as you will regarding my fitness level. I'm no Flo Jo.

After said run I decided some dinner was in order, as is customary in the mid-evening hours. I got all Julia Childlike and whipped up my favorite "healthy" dish of plain microwaved frozen chicken breast with a delicate honey dipping sauce on the side. My palate demands only the best. And I love microwaves. And I'm not much of a cook. Clearly.

The microwaving process has never been much of a challenge for me, as I passed 4th grade many years ago and thankfully grew some very handy opposable thumbs, so it is with a heavy heart that tonight, when the final score was tallied, the results were Me: 0, Microwave: 1. The 1 would stand for 1st degree burns. Note to all: do not, under any circumstances, "fiddle" with the plastic wrap covering your frozen chicken at any point after you've started the food cooking process. There's steam in there. Evil, wretched steam. Burney burney steam.

Now, as the blisters are no doubtedly setting in on my pulsing left hand, I must away to tend to my (completely preventable) wounds. And then I will start the paperwork for the Me v. Frozen Chicken lawsuit. How many innocent knuckles must twinge before something is done!?! Justice will be served! Victory will be mine! All you need is love!

Uh...how'd that last one get in there...